I had a dream yesterday

I had a really weird dream yesterday. It's been a while since I had a long, vivid dream like this. I can't quite remember what it was exactly, but in short my backyard was a graveyard, not the nice graveyards with tombstones either, just a muddled pile with bodies in it and a few containers with cremated remains. I'm not going to describe it. It was weird. And then there was a beautiful golden butterfly. It was dieing. I brought it out into the backyard so it could fly away, but its wings broke off and fell down. Then the butterfly died. And out of the body came a bunch of ants.
Kia Kroas :=: 15 Nov, 2008 05:22:06 pm CST6CDT last updated: 23 Nov, 2008 09:16:04 am CST6CDT

So today, I went to the Body Worlds Museum. Maybe that's why I dreamt about the graveyard the day before? *sigh* There's something about today that makes it a not so good day. I have a real bad feeling about someone. Something's changed but I don't know what and I don't know why. Was it something I did? Something I didn't do? Something I should have done? Maybe something I said? Or...maybe it's been like that for a while and I just barely noticed it now? I can be so hard-headed sometimes.

Anyway, I redesigned the site a bit. Just some slight color changes. Can't find the motivation to do anything else worthwhile. I'm questioning my abilities and ambition. These last few days I've been wondering why I even want to help the world. It's such a big task for so small a reward...if any at all. Does it really deserve my time and energy? And besides, if I don't do it, someone else will. Got another 6 weeks and a semester more to go before I graduate. Then it's roadtrip time...what am I going to do with my life then?

Life seems so mundane. Day in, day out. It's really pathetic sometimes. I've been losing interest in stuff. Can't think straight anymore. Not as smart as I used to be. Not as good as I think I am. I don't understand people anymore. Can't seem to be able to comprehend why they do stuff. What is "fun" anyway? Why do people get so emotional? What makes them tick? What makes me tick? (I once knew the answer to that...now I'm not sure.) *sigh* damn this. I'm starting to fall back into being anti-social again.

I blame homework (specifically English) and staying up late. Oh yeah, I won't be doing NaNoWriMo this year. No time nor motivation.

My next blog post will be happy.